When I was young and insulted, I would sing, sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me! That self-protective retort was used on those unfortunate occasions where somebody’s words had actually hurt me.
The rhyme is a great tool that can help children differentiate between physical and emotional harm. It’s wonderful to have a protective mantra that can impose a higher perspective and erase the sting of an insult. Despite the protective benefits, the rhyme is a sham. As I look back, I realize that I have experienced no broken bones from sticks or stones, but thousands of injuries from words.
Upon reflection, we can realize, that not only have words hurt us, but they are integral to our painful experiences. Even actual broken bones and physical trauma continue to hurt, long after the body has healed, because of the words attached to the injuries.
Through our everyday thoughts, thousands of unspoken words barrage us, day and night. When we struggle with self esteem, those words in our heads can cut us to the core, deeply insulting us, continually, on an existential level. The apparent truth of that innocuous rhyme we sang as kids tells us that words are harmless so we don’t even examine those words that are causing us so much harm. The slippery culprits remain above suspicion.
Like a work in progress, we can change our lives by changing the script of our lives. We can catch ourselves at any time and see what words we are dreaming up and what they are saying to us. At anytime, we can pull our attention out of our heads and notice how we are breathing. For a few breaths, we can leave our attention in a wordless pause, and be present with the air filling, then emptying, our lungs.
Thoughts selfishly want our attention back, so they begin forming more words, and opinions, trying to engage us in new and old arguments. In that moment, we can see what the words are, notice how we think to ourselves, and bring our attention back to our breath, letting the words fall away again.
Words will keep coming back. When they do, we can stay alert and notice the script we are following. If that script is leading us into pain and suffering, then we can alter its course by remembering to be compassionate. As we interrupt our habitual thoughts by responding to the pain with compassion, we can learn to stop generating the negative and self-critical opinions that bring us down.
We are fortunate to have a filter that lets us think something without saying it. Before we share an opinion with somebody, we can decide if it is kind, or true, or necessary, and then we can choose a socially appropriate way to express our thoughts. We can apply that same filter to our internal thoughts. We can see the words, apply our awareness and compassion, and by doing that, render the words harmless.
When we get used to observing and familiar with the ups and downs of the script we run in our minds, we stop falling for the words and ideas that are bring us down. When we stop falling for them, we stop thinking them. At anytime we can summon positive, supportive words in our mind, but we don’t need any words at all. We can bring our attention back to our breath, and let the words go. When we manage to put down all the words, we can experience what is left over, a wordless wonder, beyond suffering. No sticks, no stones, no bones.
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